diary of occupation : watching …up and close

The word that may describe my situation now is Numbness. I feel numb. Not horrified anymore. My horror is an appalling emotion of a coward. I was watching what was taking place mesmerized, moving from one window to another, often trying to capture a scene with my lousy hand holding a camera. The phone might not have the best techniques for my case as well.

Zoe and Brownie (our dogs) are in awe, I guess. Brownie has spent the last four hours under the couch, not making a single move. Zoe lost his capability to bark. Zoe, the master of crying for any movement in the street, is in absolute silence.

The fact that the kids are not home, in a way, makes things less stressful. What is happening is more surreal. Somehow maybe having it all happening under my windows is by itself still unreal to my mind.

It is quiet now. Darkness is the dominant scene that can be seen with helicopters hovering and bullets occasionally firing.

I don’t know if I can write what I am feeling .. still numb.

Something inside me is just praying for something I cannot also define. It is safe for these young boys in the streets. We don’t need more blood.

I am afraid to think of what happened to one of the boys who apparently got shot down the street. I don’t want to think about the three that were grabbed by the Israeli forces. I don’t want to think of what will happen tomorrow at prayer. What will occur at the funeral of the slaughtered boy? I am afraid of more blood to be shed. I don’t know if it is the right thing to say that these riots should stop. I am afraid to think of it and of the losses of lives that it may bring …

May God keep all in his protection.