I was hoping to remain the hallucinating analyst that I am while following the Arab Summit and the invasion on Yemen. How much of a coincident has it been the timing of the invasion and the summit is another not hard to answer question.
The problem of the situation is it’s too easy to predict style. IT is not that people like me are turning into geniuses of analysis. But the repetition of the production of wars and order in this region with the same directors has definitely got out of creativity.
As much as it is always also easier to keep ones emotions in ones own clan. It becomes destructive emotionally when the region becomes a problem to ones sentiments as well. When I feel the pain of the oppression that is entitled on us as Palestinians, I am described as weird often, to worry about such issues, as long as my children are fine and I am running a normal life. As such with the issue of boycotting, which makes look real weird when we go to the supermarket and we are the only people who do not buy occupation products, and sarcastically we seem to be the rich ones, since, sarcastically also, Israeli products are cheaper in comparison to the high price of the local products that hardly exist.
So feeling all this anguish about what is happening in Yemen seems exaggerated, when Arabs are killing Arabs all over what was once called the Arab nations.
Why complain about Yemen when the entire killing is still persisting in Syria and Iraq, and martyrs are ascending every day here in Palestine.
Why sympathize with Huthis when they are nothing but an extremist group or terrorist one, name it whatever suits you, like all those Islamic groups ranging from Qaida, Da’esh, Ikhwan and Hamas…
Yes Hamas is the key word to this unconnected emotion of mine. Some hallucinating feeling insisted that the strikes on Yemen and the consensus of the Arabs in such a strange undefined unnecessary unity is connected to us here in what we wish to keep calling Palestine.
For an instant I thought, we Palestinians insist on making the world seem as if it spins around us. Actually it doesn’t, but we live under an occupation force that insist on making sure that the world around us remains in extreme and severe chaos so that they continue their aggression on whatever is left from us people and land.
The Isis experience proved as a full proof that you only need an Arab to finish an Arab under the sword of one acclaimed God. Demonizing Shiites, the forever rival of Sunni existence is what best suits the situation.
When today the Egyptian watches as his fellow Egyptian being killed and justifies it immediately upon categorizing the victim as being from the ikhwan and vice versa. When the Syrian celebrates the death of the Syrian who is from the “system” or the opposition. The Nusra or ISIS. A Muslim or Christian in Mosul. A Kurd or Zaidi or whatever. Anonymous clans and tribes that allow us all to justify the killing of the other as long as he is not I. Because even family members could be your own enemy in the given situation.
In Palestine the efforts are continuous to make sure that we become Fatah and Hamas. To be able to justify the killing of whoever doesn’t represent us and celebrate his death.
I refused to believe that the Habbash (the something Mufti of the PA) speech in the last Friday prayer after the invasion on Yemen, and rudely asking that the next aggression should be against Hamas in Gaza because they are outlaws like the Huthis; was a part of a direction from Abu Mazen. I was also ignoring the fact that the man was saying this from the Muqataa mosque. I wanted to believe that Abu Mazen is a wise man, which is just someone who truly wants a pacifist way of living to all. But Abu mazen’s direct indication the same, and even calling for such an intervention is still taking me by a strike.
I spent the whole night in this angry feeling wanting to scream. I felt that I want to remove, to pull out anything that has to do with being an Arab and a Muslim and even a Palestinian from my skin. I felt myself scratching my skin wanting to remove this dirt out of me.
Maybe the problem is just in me …
The reality is that there has never been anything of nationhood, or a nation land or a nation. We are nothing but bunch of followers to the real service of the big real world that is not we, and all those leaders are nothing but contractors.
My feelings towards being an Arab at this moment is like my feeling towards being an educated woman in a patriarchal society that degrades women. The question I ask myself often, what if I didn’t know, what if I wasn’t educated enough? Life would have definitely fallen like an easier more welcoming place.
It feels one of these yet again most depressing times, when thee feeling of real pain to others becomes your own, and people perceive you as an idiot.
It is not just the fact that this disgusting aggression against Yemen is unfair, unjust and inhuman, and it is not that I am the Tagorian Palestinian of this time. It is this feeling of threat that is knocking on my own door. The same feeling I had when Mohammad Abu Khdeir was killed in the same neighborhood where I live. Despite the actual and visible distinction in distance and situation, I felt the same threat surrounding me.
I still find it unaccepted to my mind to rationalize the fact that Abu Mazen was actually saying what he said. Something inside me doesn’t want to believe that we live under leaderships of traitors. As much as that same thing in me doesn’t want to believe that Egypt is set to hold an aggression against Gaza. Of course it is not Gaza it is Hamas. It is not Yemen it is Huthis. It is not Syria or Iraq it is Qaida, Nusra, Da’esh or Assad.
IT is all a slippery decadence to a hollow hole of darkness.