A trauma of being
Could it be just this trauma of a certain experience that keeps dragging me back to what seems like a whirlpool? It seems now like a life of this very same life that keeps taking me back and forth in a Knocking out situation .
Simple things traumatize me from a mouse to an ugly spirited and faced woman . From a soldier to any Macho behaving man.
Coming as far as nigeria . I was somehow trying to escape the stress I was living for the last six months , just to find myself trapped in a worse situation. No matter how I try to stay distant myself from the mess that surrounds the situation , I just found myself day by day becoming part of it.
I came here somehow searching some peace from people who are oppressed in many ways like me . I wanted to find some peace internalizing others suffering and strengthen myself with reflecting on all the virtues life has given me . But again I was faced by cruelty of human beings . And maybe it came like another stab seeing it in a face of a woman .
I suddenly felt myself like the very old days when I was nagging about receiving my clothes and personal belongings as I was panicking about this deception game of the conference and the thought of being penniless in a country that I cannot use my credit card in it .
As childish as it maybe… I suddenly felt myself crying like a child who suddenly lost sight of his nearby mother .
Suddenly all the resolved traumas in my life were floating like dead corpses on a hollow ocean in my brain, while I am there on a boat that has nothing but a deadly destination .
It is sad when we build up expectations to have them so cruelly dashed. Hold within yourself, you are your own peace, you can only make peace in your world. And you are, in your own consciousness a universe. Nigeria is one country in Africa I have never wanted to visit – and as the fairy tales say, be aware of wolves in sheep’s clothing.
i think i met in this visit the best people i have ever met in my whole life . i am happy to have made it there . to have been privileged to meet some people both inside the conference and out . as usual the bitterness we experience as u said from failing our expectations may be “bitter” , but somehow with this opposite behavior of humans we can value, appreciate and cherish more those good ones among us .
Reblogged this on nadiaharhash.