Incoherence: Between Spinoza and Kant … God was lost

Between Spinoza and Kant. God was lost

I was trying to carefully listen to some philosophical lectures on the idea of revelation according to Spinoza and Kant.
As usual, I was totally lost. Bees were buzzing around my head, making more noise than producing honey. A few words stopped me. And I am still clueless if my own interpretation has to do with the actual concept each has to present.
I came out with the idea that revelation is a state that reaches its approximate in freedom. So to feel the revelation, you have to be in this state of being ultimately free. It took me to this stop, where I had to think about the depth and importance of Freedom. IT was a quick stop, though since the words morality and reason were pushing to take over.
So, I tried to ease my buzzing mind and developed a particular equation, especially when the lecturer offered another insightful explanation of the vertical, horizontal relation between the concepts.
Of course, I don’t know if I got it right as well, but I saw freedom in the horizontal space flying like molecules on a base of a vertical line called revelation. But somehow my mind couldn’t capture a stopping moment for the airborne particles of freedom. It looked like a chart in my head where freedom atoms were spotted in the different places of the graph on two standing vertical, horizontal poles of revelation and reason maybe.
It could perhaps be that, if I take admission as a pole sitting vertically, with reason as a standing horizontal pole. The dancing flying molecules of freedom would be a combination of morality as well.

In the end, I am a bit of closed when it comes to such understanding. My philosophy starts and ends on fantasizing the person and transforming him in my head into an idol or right or wrong.
I happened to meet Spinoza a few years back in a novel written by Irvin Yalom. He was still having that effect on me. And I came out as a Spinoza sympathizer and a Spinozan. My simple way of expression as usual of course. This man was a real Muslim.
I was, as I still am, also categorizing people reason in such way gas well. Looking at Islam as a religion of moral reason. Regardless of what a person is born to be by birth, this feeling of Islam inside me has this meditative spiritual aspect that living Islam makes its molecules crash into hellish grounds.
As the debate went on, and the whole theory of revelation and morality and its critic were ongoing. A bee in my head stung me to say: But who is God.
While discussing all this trying to understand probably the concept of God, in what he can and what we cannot. Is it us who drive our own lives or is it God who appears in the form of a revelation to certain people. I was just taken by this idea of who is He.
I remember when I was a little child (real little), I was making that confirmation of God being a male since males have more rights and are more preferable than females. He couldn’t be a female and create women in misery.
Apparently, I had this feminist head in me since I was still in my whole development phase. My reasoning apparently was against the morality of reason that should be accepted and expected to be.
There also remains this missing point in such a connected equation. If revelation is that state of freedom of moral reason. Where is Choice?
Are we responsible for what our reason tell us? Taking into account that according to such philosophers, morality is a built in quality. Humans are equipped with such sets of moral values right after birth. So what about our wrong values?
Is it that morality is given and immorality is a choice?
In a given an example of Abraham (Ibrahim) and his attempted sacrifice to his son (Yaakov/Ishaq) after his dream of being ordered by God. His decision was based on moral reasoning according to Kant\Spinoza, not according to God’s changing his mind.
So who told Ibrahim not to sacrifice the son? His moral reason or God?
Would God be Moral Reason as a result?