Thoughts in flakes
I always think of this in-balance I experience inside my emotions in being extreme in most of what I do. If I love I love to the extreme. If I hate it is an extreme. If I work hard it has to be perfect. If I get lazy I am laid out.
I often leave it to the bigger picture it is being an Arab … it should be related to that.
Today was one of those extremities, that proves a serious in-balance; When I just decided to leave Jerusalem to Jericho to avoid being stuck in the storm, the moment, the real very moment the storm started. I was sitting in the luxury of my bed, watching the alleged storm that everyone has been warning of since days not seriously coming. I was enjoying the white flakes softly settling everywhere before it stopped for some time. That was exactly the time I decided I leave.
Being the genius I am. Choosing that particular timing when it was already getting dark. Snow really hit a minute after I turned the engine of my car on. The road was just getting covered and covered with snow ahead of my way as I started. My poor car doesn’t really know how to cope with any weather but a regular warm weather like me. And yet, I exposed my poor little engine to go through this madness with me.
I have no idea how did the car make it, but we did.
Along the way, thoughts were falling into my heads like flakes settling on surfaces heavily.
It wasn’t the first insane unnecessary adventure I decided to take. My flakes of thoughts were wandering in last year’s similar snow storm, that was the first to ever hit Jerusalem, when I decided to fly to Istanbul to make a “surprise” for my then partner on his birthday. It was one crazy thing to do, among them was the credit card limit not allowing me to make a reservation. Which forced me to ask my partner who was supposed to be surprised to make the reservation. It was a surprise that he gave me a first class ticket (it wasn’t out of sheer kindness, he had many flying miles points); I was even surprised thinking it was mistake (and it was really mean from my side, because he did it with a good intention). This is one thing you benefit from not expecting anything from people around you. Even though working on the “no expectation” policy was not a result of my clear modest nature, but a result of avoiding more disappointments in someone.
So I made it to that big day, to mark a birthdate of a man who called himself “dead man walking”. Seriously, why would anyone make an effort to go and celebrate a day for someone who has long ago died? Death is not just a loss of a body, but can occur long before in one’s soul. .
Going back, trying to catch those wandering flakes in my head, and sitting now thinking of how crazy it was to decide to take that dangerous road in a real unnecessary situation, made me think of all those troubling choices I make or made in my strangely managed or unmanaged life….
In the meantime, I will continue to allow this amusing feeling of touching my thoughts in flakes…