Some years ago, when I started sharing what I write with friends . An American older friend told me : ” Nadia , I admire what you write . your style continues to improve. your daring ideas and words worry me on you in society like yours.” I defended my thoughts and my dareness ,believing that freedom of expression is not granted , but experienced . I confess that sometimes I was hiding behind the English language.I often thought that non arab\Palestinian readers are safer to share ideas with . But as my exposure to my own ideas grew, my self expression also grew within its own language. i became conscious to the times i want to write in arabic and to t hose i wanted to expressing english the audience varies ,as much as the thoughts and situations .
maybe , my exposure to the inner depths of the palestinian life has also changed , that is why there was a need to speak in the language that people know .
As my writings in arabic started to get more circulation , regional and local . my responsibility to what i write grew , so was my consciousness to what is needed to be addressed.
I received more warnings from my friends , this time from arabs , palestinians , who worried that my critical views on the internal palestinian situation can be troublesome . but i remained assured that i have nothing to fear. i am reflecting on reality . i am not using bad terms or insulting anyone . i am laying down facts , and asking questions that can contribute to some questioning .
I continue to carry that notion of vulnerability in using words . respect and truthfulness.
as I contributed to my ideas about religion and history or the arabs. it felt as if i touched the forbidden and poured fire on my own hands.
all what i needed to say was that our education in the history of islam is wrong and carries with it lots of missing facts and untold realities that were hidden from our education . that was enough to make me a prostitute , gay , and other things . the fact that i a non wearing veil woman discussing veil related issues make it a sin .
the sarcastic thing is the aggression in defending islam from my works while using totally restricted sins islam prohibited from . accusing a woman of being a prostitute and in adultery !!!
well, i have been used to this accusation since my divorce. the word prostitute became one of the words that are attached to my vocabulary . I understand that being a woman , unveiled, ( GOd forbid those readers know i am divorced) , makes a woman very close to be considered a prostitute. Actually i have nothing against prostitution. it is the right thing to do in a life full of prostituted actions .
it is kind of impressive how the defense on the arab heritage of a certain history that is strictly divine . all under the name of God and his Prophet. there is a thousand year of divine history that includes every single male who claimed to know the word of God. All under the protection of the exclusive knowledge of what God has said and what his Prophet has meant .
I confess, I felt famous with all those insults . I enjoy being called a prostitute. As a good muslim that i believe I am , this all adds to my good deeds for the afterlife. but I can only stop at one single thought and roam in it continuously in my head.. We are so way far from awareness, tolerance, and change. we are so far from knowledge . We are so far from identifying with our own humanity .