Up, close, and private
I have to say; I have no idea what the title means. Maybe something in my state of mind is related to this. of course I have no idea what it is.
However, I have been trying to stay up regarding standing. Now I remember that it might be a movie title, up, close and personal.
Ok.. so my close, is more of my intimate feeling with myself, closing on myself in keeping me in a safe zone of sanity. I guess my words are not sane enough after all.
Private is the only word I knew why I put here. It is because of the private context of this blog.
at least one thing makes sense to me here.
So as I am struggling to keep myself up, not falling. I am working hard to remind myself that I am an entirely sane person. Somehow, part of my therapeutic encounter with myself. this close discussion with me: ” Nadia you are ok.”
Getting out with my private issue is one of my liberating modes of operation. Somehow this is how my system works to survive.
I guess what I just wrote reflects a side effect of depression when you don’t take medication. My nontoxic help is creating a natural toxicated actions in my brain.
I have been going through a rough time in my work in the last months. It must have been many months from now. I have to say it took me by surprise. It felt like marriage. When you think all is ok, and suddenly you realize your partner wants a divorce. It is not exactly like this, especially, I am someone who always divorces my relations. Well, this could be another one.
Someone in my place, with a life of severe hell, has been running under her grounds for decades, suddenly falls apart when encountering work stress. This seemed so much un-me. People even think I am superwoman. The Superwoman was de-super-sized in one instant by another ….let’s say, woman.
I have encountered lots of difficulties in my life that make me look like a threatening “thing” to somebody else. I have seen it with my husband. I have seen it all over my life. Some monster arouses out of me in front of these people, and they start attacking.