في رثاء وطن

في رثاء وطن.

في رثاء وطن

فتح الماضي الماضي ، الحاضر الغائب، المستقبل المبني للمجهول

عندما كنت صغيره ، كنت اعتقد ان م ت ف وفتح تعني فلسطين . كنت ارسم كلمه فتح في مدونتي معتقده ان هذه الكلمه تعني هويتي كفلسطينيه …

.حتى وقت بغير بعيد كنت اظن بان الشعب الفلسطيني هو فتح العروق .
فتح تحصيل حاصل لانتمائنا الثقافي الوطني.
نشأه حماس تبقى بالنسبه لانسانه علمانيه الفكر ربما مثلي ، تبقى نتيجه لمشروع اخر ليس بالضروره فلسطين(مشروع اسلامي ،اخواني..)،
ولكن ترعرع حماس وقوتها بالتأكيد كان سببه الاكبر هو انحطاط رساله فتح الفكريه امام المجتمع الفلسطيني في وقت صار بالمجتمع حزبا اخر اعطى الحل السماوي في وقت كانت الحلول الارضيه تدفنها فتح في انحطاطها …
مرت سنوات على الانقسام ،
انقسام قطع الشعب المقطوع اوصاله اصلا الى فتح وحماس .
وفي ضمن هذه التقطيع قسم الى متعاطفين مع فتح او حماس .
مع رام الله او غزه ،
وترك هناك متفرجون …
يقفون ينظروا الى ما تبقى من وطن محاصرا فوقه احتلال غاشم يسخر من تخاذل شعب حمل قضيته على كتفيه لعقود .
الى ما تبقى من وطن خلف جدار فصل عنصري وعسكري .
امام حواجز ذل وقمع وقتل.
ينظروا محاصرون في ما تبقى من قدس واسير ولاجيء …
يتأملون تارة …
منذهلون تاره اخرى …
يترقبون مرارا وتكرارا …
خلسه وعلنا للحظه انفراج …
مر على الوطن العربي ثورات ربيع وخريف وزوابع شتاء …
ونحن في ما تبقى من وطن لم يبق الا في داخل ارواحنا ننظر ، ننتظر في حاله هذيان ..
نحدق في مهزله تاريخ نصنعه ونشكله بايدينا …
من اوراق لم يعد الحبر قادر على حفظ احداثها الهزليه …
لشعب كان بيوم حاملا لقضيه ….
لقضيه شعب مقاوم …بطل.

A nostalgia for a dwelling feeling for a homeland ..for being

thunder- bombard….raining- bleeding !!

Gaza under attack …

A 37-year-old martyr killed on the crossing Bridge

A 21-year-old Student killed early morning in Ramallah

Another in Hebron and one in Tulkarem ..and some in Gaza.

Martyrs again are becoming numbers …

A sky is falling from above, with rain pouring, that is not clear anymore is it a blessing, or it is only torn shedding.

Is it just a continuous thunder or is it the weeping of a bereaved divinity on the destruction of its creation.

A mourning nature on its victims,

Moreover, leadership …

An old president is choosing a vice president for his superseded post.

Accusation inside a fractioned party within a segmented society that is wedged in chunks over a domination of what? A bubble-semi-state with no sovereignty or dominion?

A mourning nation over a martyr after another, and yet, waiting to celebrate the stars of Arab Idol …

Gaza’s flooding, bleeding, bombarded, and we are still discussing one state or a two state.

A convention here, and a conference out there all discussing peace and announcing pre-assumed resolutions for a few more million to the rich to become richer …

Negotiations ?? of course. A president under pressure for one more inch on the map or two or maybe three or ten …

A Jerusalem that became east and west … a neighborhood, or a quarter, or maybe a road, or maybe Jerusalem is somewhere out there behind the wall.

Moreover, perhaps we Palestinians.

Like our land …

Maybe we just become …

Nostalgia for a dwelling feeling that assumes and resumes on instances and intervals, intermissions and interludes.

March 2014

Tahafut il Occupation ..

Tahafut IL occupation (incoherence of the occupation)

In yet another failed attempt to focus on my final paper on Averroes , the news about Ateret Kohanim , a Jewish settler organization that is known for purchasing properties on the east side of Jerusalem suddenly changed in my head from another frustration to a kinky smile with my mind telling me : ‘ well, finally it will not be east and west’ .

In the last years, I was feeling naïve often, and stupidly alone usually saying it’s Jerusalem. I am not from East Jerusalem. I am from Jerusalem. Because the term East Jerusalem is yet another name the Israeli occupation used to deem a reality of alluding occupation. JHerusalem is an occupied city from it’s east to it’s west by what seems to become a phantom UN resolution 181 as a (corpus separatum ) Separate entity . to be followed by recommendations: 2253,2254,250,252,267,271,298 and so many others…. That continued to confirm that all administrative and legislative procedures taken by Israel in the city, such as estate transfer and land confiscation, were illegal, as well as assuring that no more activities that may change the city features or demography should be undertaken.

Ok … after decades of occupation that included separation, confiscation, from an Exodus to a Disaster, a Nakba, a Naqsa, an Intifada, Oslo, PA, Annapolis, Road Map, … what else. Erica negotiations talk … on off on off on off on off.

A settlement here and there. Inside the old city, on the walks of the city, in the boundaries of the city, inside my house, over your roof … integration…

Yes… integration is the word.

Re- reading history says that Arabs and Jews lived (well) together in the city. Maybe that is Netanyahu’s plan. Maybe Netanyahu is the savior Palestinian leader we are waiting for.

One thing for sure is taking place in my mind… Philosophy is just making it severe …

What I had from some common sense that refrained me from my Tahafut (incoherence) is now out and unrestrained from one incoherence to the other. And I can loudly go to the Incoherence of the Occupation. Wow. That’s an excellent title.

Reflections of a naive woman…an old reflection

My thoughts are winding in my brain in many directions . unfaithfulness, cheating, screwing, whatever it could be called. It is happening everywhere and we are all part of it , and  yet can’t understand or get to a point were we know what is going on and why .

As if it is an international code, everyone is doing it , with all life problems, cultural, ethnic, political everything differences , with all the wars and crisis, we are all unified in this matter .

If we are supposed to be born from a man’s rib, which ideally, would make the holy merge of humanity, what is whatever is happening in between our lives .

In the past I could also agree that this is a man’s dis-functionality . I cannot say it couldn’t work with women , the fact that I was a devoted wife, and I was sure nothing could ever come out to make it otherwise. Fidelity and faithfulness were on top of everything , I was convinced that the man I married was the man that would stay for the rest of my life .

Because I believed that I must have been meant to be.

But , what with all the other women, who came through his life, they were tissues from that rib?

And again , today, with my deep belief that there is no such thing as man’s different nature . We both have our differences, but our needs with its differences do not vary in the way we were taught .Our differences are meant to make us become one .

So this thing of man’s being unable to just have only one woman is just a man’s creation . Women’s need were always neglected and ignored and went unmentioned through history.

I really feel bad for the situation of women ever since men started taking control . Ever since women decided that they needed that piece of meat the man came back with on his lousy hunting tour .

When he forced on her a new food , which causes life’s most diseases and I am sure she cooked it for him and she wasn’t much interested in eating that meat.

The conceit that this built in man, after she showed him gratitude and appreciation, deteriorated the woman’s status until the end of times. This woman didn’t know that she executed her fellow women for thousands years to come .

I am not sure how much women coped with situation along history .

Men putting rules and women sneaking through them but submitting from outside .

If it could be fair to say that women decided today to also lead the life the way men do it . Maybe it is the way it should be. Man is not the only polygamist creature. It’ s both men and women . and if they both decided that it is  no longer one plus one , it is one plus whatever it takes, then it applies to women too.

But does this put us in a chaos? Aren’t we already living in this chaos secretly . The oppressed do it secretly and the oppressor do it publicly , but doing it publicly , announcing it in public that we both need to be liberated from a one on one relationship and start flying around .

Maybe it is true , that what our world would need, thanks to science it could be applicable now, to,diminish the institution of marriage because it proved to be destructive.

If the union in marriage is or was meant to happen for the sake of securing children, today the DNA can go back to bones and know who is the father of whom. And I bet, if they run DNA tests on the world the results would be striking.

Pre Islam, there was massive women dominance, children were named after their mothers not fathers, women were those who decided who the father of their children was.

Even though Islam liberated women from being buried alive, it took the freedom that women had from being the polygamists and simply gave that role to the man. As if it was time to tame those wild creatures.

April 2008

love is cureles…

love is cureless… definitely filled with cruelness …supported with a full package of stupidly clueless…(pointless wisdom)

Reflection on a bitter reflection

It is just heartrending to watch this all.

I do not know what funny, what sarcastic, what ironic, or what simply too sad is.

It is all too sad to watch and live.

I am still reflecting on your words of yesterday, now on TV, another Egyptian analyst was saying your exact words about a state and a group; he was firing all his anger on Nasrallah, and one more time it is all the same story. He was accusing Nasrallah of being a gangster and killing Lebanese, precisely the way you mentioned Hamas stripping Palestinians and throwing them from the 17th floor.

After this crisis is over, all diplomatic engagement will go back; no one will tell anyone that he did or said this or that.

Israel is there continuing its attacks, increasing them, mobilizing its troops and people, and we are fighting.

In the past, individuals and rumors used to be sneaked from behind the scenes of the Arab discretion, which is anything but discreet. The difference between the past and today is that we are watching it all live.

I can scribble into any of those books written yesterday or 50 years ago, or 100 years ago, and I will see what is happening today written by a pen by an Arab scholar.

It is so sad to see it, not just to hear it.

There is nothing more we can justify. It is all there in front of us, and we are still reacting, offending and not doing anything.

I feel in a strange situation. In a way, one more time, being forced to hear you, to go deep inside those words I hear on TV screens. It is stranger, it is people versus governments, and you represent a state, I am sure our whole interaction would have been different if you were just people.

As I try to fight within myself, my emotions that are so blunt and rigid in front of me, I cannot ignore what you say or feel. I can blame you for being senseless and unyielding,

However, I cannot but stop and hear you. It hurts not being able to reach out somewhere. Somewhere where we actually can bend and see through the ground. See the real damages.

Behind every human shed, is a human story, like mine and yours? Those five sisters killed today, that child died in the targeting of the four activists, those children rushing away from schools, those people begging on the borders, all those people killed, all those injured in those hospitals. All have stories not different than ours, and we fail to see.

Why would be Shalit safety more important, why are his mother and family are closer for us to be seen than all those poor victims?

Why is the panic of that Israeli woman in Sderot greater than the fear of these people under the fire?

What more do we need?

Why can’t we see them? Why can’t we see the virtue of those lost lives?

While we are fighting, while we are blaming each other, while you are playing machos in refusing to open the borders. It is true, what did the Palestinians give you in return. Why would you sacrifice Egyptians lives for a Palestinian lost cause, but why would you think opening borders would do to these people. In any regular part of a world, in times of wars and attacks, people tend to run, to run for their lives, maybe if the borders are opened the losses will be reduced. Maybe it will give the enemy a reason to stop or reevaluate his move.

I could understand that your standpoint as a government is pressed to be different from that of a person like me, I know there is no way that Israel will be the ally, but this attitude is not healthy, and only increases our fractions.

Our anger and frustration are healthy, but we need to be wise, in concentrating on our mutual enemy, even if this enemy disguises in different faces, it is all so obvious, we do not need to learn from the past, we need to learn from the present.

Yesterday, while we were arguing, I was seeing my uncle, whom I consider as a fundamentalist in his thinking, meaning one-sided, totally blocked despite his wisdom.

However, then you reminded me of my fight with zafer. This battle that occupied us so much to a level that we forgot that the victims are those children, our children. This egoistic look and attitude, ignoring the core issue and getting hooked with the CARROT.

We need to be wise in the way we calculate our moves and attacking our targets.

Our problem, your problem, is the occupation, the Israeli attacks, not who provoked and why.

Gaza is not Hamas, Gaza is 1.5 million mother, father, husband, sister, brother, wife, son, daughter, elderly, and others. Gaza is a chain of human beings, who need to be treated like regular people; their lives should be dealt with in your life and mine. Moreover, our fight should be for the people, not for the system because at this moment it is individuals who are paying the price, not a system.

With the many pieces of wisdom, I received from you yesterday, was that Hamas cannot be uprooted, the only way Hamas will go out is with a national consensus through the election. These attacks, exactly like your other words of wisdom about how the people in Egypt who could hate their state, would defend it with all that they have if anyone touches its sovereignty. So are the people in Gaza and the States and everywhere. This is how people like Hamas are rooted, through such coercions, people feel urged to believe in these people, because they are all now standing in one line facing the same compulsion, not watching and bullying them.

Our people are in need, not because they are the demanding spoilt Palestinians, but because they are a nation under occupation.

Palestinians are the sacrifice that was given to the western colonization with creating Israel, Israel, who defeated all the Arab troops gathered in many forces in six days.

Israel who is not a colonial settlement only, it is a factual setting occupation. Don’t blame us for this occupation.

It is there, and it is a whole history of an entire nation defeat.

Ever since I knew you, my whole perception of the Egyptian status here changed, in many ways on a more humanistic level, despite all my reservations, honestly, never even wanted to know what you are doing, because it is not my kind of ideologies of what I want as a Palestinian. Part of me understood your striving to make a difference, part of me wanted to see that difference, but a part of me was terrified of solutions based on defeat.

In your world, and views. In the whole world’s views, we are stupid to think of resistance; we are nothing but current and future terrorist foundations. We are stupid to believe that we can defeat Israel . all this …

Yes, Israel is with the power of force. Israel is the modernity in comparison to our backwardness.

Israel is the opportunity, and we are the darkness.

However, Israel is built on our ashes, our bones.

We are the people of this land. Our fight is just. Because our cause is just.

In the past, your people fought to kick out the British despite the tyranny of the monarchy, and you consider it and me as a heroic time in your history.

Don’t blame my people for wanting to live with dignity.

Whatever your efforts lead us is nothing but more oppression and disgrace. Because you stopped seeing Israel as an enemy . and you see us as your spoilt drunk little brother.

It is again like my fight with my ex

When I was fought for doing this and that and forcing me to give up the kids, to the man they all knew was incompatible and untrustable, but can afford what I cannot afford. Instead of backing me up and supporting me I was jut pushed towards the edges of anything. I was denied my inherent right of being a mother, and blamed for leaving an abusive husband, and condemned for not bearing more, and everyone forgot what the origin of all this was, to some extent I did too.

I am too tired again,

Moreover, maybe our debate will never meet at any point because we both are on different parallels of this whole path, you are a government, and I am a community.

To be continued….

Apparently, this tragedy is just at its beginning …

Nadia

29-12-08

(this is an email I must have sent to one of my diplomat friends ( it is embarrassing that I do not remember )))

Faceless

Faceless

 

For the past few weeks , I have been trying to write something and stopping , to a certain extent because I was too dejected which affected my physical handling to my mind , and partly because I was reading reviews and articles that spoke up my mind ..

However, as the days are passing, nothing seems to be shifting to a more encouraging state of affairs . The more I read those exasperating newspapers headlines the worse I feel, and the further despair hammers on my head .

Every so often , I undergo a commotion of accumulating all the news headlines and assembling an article out of them , the result will be a cynical, ridiculous, contemptuous , sad, frustrating , gloomy reality that doesn’t seem to be ending .

Two realities, based on hypothetical approaches , our leaders breaching projects, participating in dinners , going to the streets , flourishing economics, condemning occupation through soliciting to stop settlements and retaining security.

People suffering ,tormenting , starving , economic deterioration , expanding settlements, demolitions, autocracy , despotism , insecurity, and a long list of agony goes on .

What provoked me to write today, is a news headline that fondled my eyes ,as I was reading, “the white house declaring a conference in Washington between Abbas, Netanyaho, and Obama” . Abbas has been saying all over the news for the last few weeks that he will not meet with Netanyaho unless he stops the settlements . Until a few hours ago , one of the headlines was saying that Abbas is refusing to meet with Netanyaho.

It is such a perplexing sentiment . The contradiction is not just between what we hear and what we see , but between what we hear and what we hear .

Even when it is a meager demand , to stop the settlements , even when we are watching them minimizing our cause, a whole system of occupation into stopping settlements , we can’t get an upright standpoint .

Instead of taking the new UN inspection report and forcing it in the upcoming UN gathering and oblige i the world to take action against Israel continuous violations to whatever is left from our humanity . We carry on in the path of deterioration .

I feel too worn-out to even write . I see it all going in the same path of a dark faceless nowhere . And we are watching and accepting .

Nadia Harhash

20-9-09

A reflection on a Bitter Reality

A reflection on a Bitter Reality ,

As we are witnessing this massive israelization to Jerusalem as never before, we are also witnessing a colossal thump on our national identity . we are torn into a Fateh and Hamas ,and the occupation is surrounding us expanding its colonies, israelizing our homes and roads, enclaving us with additional walls .

The world is once again watching , condemning merely , incapable of stopping an evacuation of a family that was deported from its original home sixty years ago, to be evacuated again into another Diaspora inside its own home .

One misery after another , another Nakbeh inside jerusalem, inside the neighborhoods of Sheikh Jarrah, Silwan, and the list goes on . and a Nakseh inside every Palestinian, who instead of vowing over liberation, is torn apart in a heartrending domestic warfare between brothers .

Not very long time ago, the Palestinian society was contained by a structure that was built up from different parties, inside the same family , you would find a fateh and a hamas, a jabha and tahriri… and everyone was aspiring a day where we would be liberated .

I am not explicit if our cause failed us or we failed our cause .

I am not definite if this occupation has really invaded us like a chronic cancer that cannot be cured . a cancer that will only kill us , or we can still resist .

Jerusalem is trailing its sanctification , settlers are plaguing it with all their capacity . a radical racist government is overpowering it by all means . We walk through roads that are transforming to Hebrew, the rail road is jamming us into marginalized neighborhoods, demolition orders, and demolitions. Evacuations , new settlements , each day another Israeli flag flies up from what was some moments ago a Palestinian roof.

Ultra-orthodoxed settlers mingling among Palestinians neighborhoods, settlements expanding, more buildings, more posts, new roads ,and one more time more suffocating details of oppression and injustices .

It is so clear how Netanyaho’s government is racing with time , one more time forcing reality on the ground .

After failing to convince the world and the U.S to declare war on Iran , one more time succeeded in employing the settlements issues to their benefit . as the Israeli radicals are also preparing themselves to demonstrate the demonstrated removal of some out posts, the government is operating on an immense campaign to pinch what is left of Jerusalem .

And one more time alluding the world outside Palestine, in attempt to procure more time in enforcing new facts on the grounds .

The new notion of normalization, the other day Amr Mousa declared as if normalization with Israel is just on the door , binds it with the stop of the settlements .as if the Palestinian cause is settlements . all ignoring what is happening in Jerusalem .

Each Jerusalemite today is struggling unswervingly this shrewd invasion of the occupation .

And nearby , a few kilometers away , in the liberated Authority of The West Bank , as if all is well and constant ,as if the occupation is over , as if the walls are detached, as if the settlements have vanished , as if and as if life is ordinary , there is only one enemy HAMAS . And hamas , over there on the isolated island around the desert of despair is holding over a million people captives.

An occupation inside an occupation .

Fateh besieged for having another thousand new Palestinian leaders inside the upcoming 6th historical summit , of course, at least half of the 2000 participants deem to become the next Palestinian leadership, and the other half anticipate that they will become a challenging number in the future power . and a few good men, working hard believing that there could be hope for a reform and change.

Of course, one major consensus, HAMAS , hamas brutality, hamas radicals, hamas fundamentalists, hamas abuses, hamas tortures ,hamas violations , hamas scandals ,hamas hamas hamas…

And Hamas, in its new Emirate of Gaza, enjoying incapacitating, debilitating people , detaining , controlling men from Fateh from entering the West Bank, as with Shalit case , trying to compromise for its men upon allowing Fateh people to pass OUT to the West Bank.

Is there any worse scenario for a nation ?

The Israeli Occupation is impounding whatever is left of the land, ongoing with its occupation without remorse within Jerusalem, and Palestinians of Fateh and Hamas skirmishing over an authority in excess of a terrain that is no longer there …..because they boomed in making our cause again and again a mislaid cause.

Nadia Harhash

30-7-09

 Image

A reflection on a bitter Reality

A reflection on a Bitter Reality ,

As we are witnessing this massive israelization to Jerusalem as never before, we are also witnessing a colossal thump on our national identity . we are torn into a Fateh and Hamas ,and the occupation is surrounding us expanding its colonies, israelizing our homes and roads, enclaving us with additional walls .

The world is once again watching , condemning merely , incapable of stopping an evacuation of a family that was deported from its original home sixty years ago, to be evacuated again into another Diaspora inside its own home .

One misery after another , another Nakbeh inside jerusalem, inside the neighborhoods of Sheikh Jarrah, Silwan, and the list goes on . and a Nakseh inside every Palestinian, who instead of vowing over liberation, is torn apart in a heartrending domestic warfare between brothers .

Not very long time ago, the Palestinian society was contained by a structure that was built up from different parties, inside the same family , you would find a fateh and a hamas, a jabha and tahriri… and everyone was aspiring a day where we would be liberated .

I am not explicit if our cause failed us or we failed our cause .

I am not definite if this occupation has really invaded us like a chronic cancer that cannot be cured . a cancer that will only kill us , or we can still resist .

Jerusalem is trailing its sanctification , settlers are plaguing it with all their capacity . a radical racist government is overpowering it by all means . We walk through roads that are transforming to Hebrew, the rail road is jamming us into marginalized neighborhoods, demolition orders, and demolitions. Evacuations , new settlements , each day another Israeli flag flies up from what was some moments ago a Palestinian roof.

Ultra-orthodoxed settlers mingling among Palestinians neighborhoods, settlements expanding, more buildings, more posts, new roads ,and one more time more suffocating details of oppression and injustices .

It is so clear how Netanyaho’s government is racing with time , one more time forcing reality on the ground .

After failing to convince the world and the U.S to declare war on Iran , one more time succeeded in employing the settlements issues to their benefit . as the Israeli radicals are also preparing themselves to demonstrate the demonstrated removal of some out posts, the government is operating on an immense campaign to pinch what is left of Jerusalem .

And one more time alluding the world outside Palestine, in attempt to procure more time in enforcing new facts on the grounds .

The new notion of normalization, the other day Amr Mousa declared as if normalization with Israel is just on the door , binds it with the stop of the settlements .as if the Palestinian cause is settlements . all ignoring what is happening in Jerusalem .

Each Jerusalemite today is struggling unswervingly this shrewd invasion of the occupation .

And nearby , a few kilometers away , in the liberated Authority of The West Bank , as if all is well and constant ,as if the occupation is over , as if the walls are detached, as if the settlements have vanished , as if and as if life is ordinary , there is only one enemy HAMAS . And hamas , over there on the isolated island around the desert of despair is holding over a million people captives.

An occupation inside an occupation .

Fateh besieged for having another thousand new Palestinian leaders inside the upcoming 6th historical summit , of course, at least half of the 2000 participants deem to become the next Palestinian leadership, and the other half anticipate that they will become a challenging number in the future power . and a few good men, working hard believing that there could be hope for a reform and change.

Of course, one major consensus, HAMAS , hamas brutality, hamas radicals, hamas fundamentalists, hamas abuses, hamas tortures ,hamas violations , hamas scandals ,hamas hamas hamas…

And Hamas, in its new Emirate of Gaza, enjoying incapacitating, debilitating people , detaining , controlling men from Fateh from entering the West Bank, as with Shalit case , trying to compromise for its men upon allowing Fateh people to pass OUT to the West Bank.

Is there any worse scenario for a nation ?

The Israeli Occupation is impounding whatever is left of the land, ongoing with its occupation without remorse within Jerusalem, and Palestinians of Fateh and Hamas skirmishing over an authority in excess of a terrain that is no longer there …..because they boomed in making our cause again and again a mislaid cause.

Nadia Harhash

30-7-09

 Image

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