I wake up and I am finally admitting, closing a chapter of a whole year : I am 46!
No more fear of the number 4 and whatever comes before and after it. No more place for playing with numbers. Any switch , lift, flip will just make it worse.
I don’t have to think anymore of how hard it is to be fortish … 46 . Not in the middle or even the beginning .. I have to prepare myself to a new number . I am getting closer to 50.
Well… This is the best way in not thinking about the real issue of aging … I am looking forward a decade of achievements when I turn 50.
Ok… I am finally in peace with this 4 in my age …
Apart from the real freaking feeling of ‘ oh my god I am old’ I have to say that it feels great to be 46 . It really feels good to think of the coming cycle of a decade in my age .
I am looking at myself and think : I am getting somewhere in life where I can stand up and reflect on what I have done And accomplished . I can look at myself and think : oh girl u knock !. I can forgive myself for all my mistakes and sins and flaws and finally embrace it all and say : well all this made me the wonderful person I am!( it is a leo trait I cannot help)
I can look around and feel people with their energies . I can determine whom I want and whom I don’t want in my surrounding. I can snore in my own pace without feelin bothered or embarrassed . I can look at myself naked in the mirror and embrace my traits of burdens and maturity. I can wear a bikini and think : who cares , what is wrong with a torn out stomach and stretch marks that tattoos my skin . I can be proud with losing weight and I can just swallow my extras with fulfillment .
I can look at myself and say : your life is damn hard. You are loved . You are hated . You provoke . You inspire . You make many jealous . You are a pain in the ass . You are unbelievable . You are stupid . You are naive . You are human … Embrace it all and get dressed…
I am thankful for all the blessings that I can finally see with every blink … My children .. Myself … My family… My friends … My writings… My life ..